Mar 25, 2005
Cricket Diplomacy or Cheaters' Diplomacy?

You pick any Indian news paper today, you see flashy headlines  - Manmohan Singh and Musharraf going to watch the cricket match together. Man! A damn important news thats going to change the life of 1.5 billion people in both the countries. yes I accept that a prime minister's life itself is a news. And as such Musharraf with Indian PM is a news. But the whole mushy smell that surrounds this much hyped cricket viewing Confidence Building Measure itself is a big gimmick thats spun around the Indian public. Com'mon who are they trying to cheat here and what are they trying to convey. The absolute sluggishness in terms of decision making in regard to this so called kashmir issue exists among the politicians of both sides for more than decades now. And a army general turned president -- I bet is no exception from that. Yes, even in US the president goes for Base ball and Football kick off. But I dont think George Bush will go and sit with Kim Jong II for a soccer game where he will negotiate Korea to come to an agreement regarding NPT. This piece of diplomacy is absolute shit. And across borders, the Politician turned Army Chief is worse than common politician. Atleast Indian politicians will sing different tunes once in 5 years, but that fella beats rahman in composing new tunes everyday. Suddenly he talks off brotherhood and one-ness and suddenly he "warns" India of dire consequences.

Man! with a confused PM, (who is literally confused in regard to who the prime minister is) and a Foreign born Indian mathaji...who is hell bent on rewriting the constitution, who acts as if she is a conquerer, enlisting the number of states to conquer thru' subversive and unholy methods, we Indians are talking about democracy and its advantages to other countries. This is one big joke of this century. Some years back, we atleast had a prime minister even tho' very old often reminded our fella Indians that we have a back bone of our own. Lets forget secularism, fundmentalism, communism,or that communalism crap. To be straight all are just different types of trump cards used by the politicians at various situations and various stages. The events that were happening in Jharkhand (the governor fiasco) or in Bihar (Congress wants a government of its own or it does not want a government at all..this is what we call true governance that is always for the people), it shows clearly that these topi wala politicans are treating the common man like stooges and dumb ass. 

In this condition, the media should act in a more responsible way, OK fine, it published the news about Musharraf and Manmohan Singh's cricket trip, but at the same time these newspapers in that same article can question the veracity of the claims regarding their diplomacy. The media should make them feel responsible for what they are doing. The questions should be straight enough that, next time they wont make such cheap attempts to win people's hearts in terms of diplomatic relationship improvement.

Posted at 04:27 am by Clueless
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Jan 20, 2005

Hmm...Dumbstruck..Its been a while, since I did a personal blog...not because I didnt have anything to say. Not because I didnt have time...its because I donno how to put things in a more distilled flavor instead of pouring out the convoluted thoughts thats flooding the brains. Ok, Now by writing this post, I am in no way asserting that, this blog is going to be crystal clear..if its going to be clear, if its going to be understandabale in the first read, if it doesnt have any intended sarcascism, if it doesnt have an inner meaning...then it doesnt have my flavor. In simple words, that writing will not reflect me. The field of emotions play a larger part in man's life. This is what this post is about.

Some months back, when I was having an argument with some known person around here, I went dumbstruck..on hearing his way of putting things in place. In simple science, he said.."emotions weaken man..and me a man who want to be the survival of the fittest as per Darwin's theory, should reduce my weaklings..and the simple way to do is..throw away emotions." May be you can digest this words..but for a person like me, who play with emotions for every second..these words literally slapped one answer on my face...that I am the weakest. Am I?..I am not sure..Coz I don have a proof at this point of time..but the fact is I am confident of earning a better life..and be the survivor without throwing out emotions. More or less as time goes, when our surrounding remains more or less static, we tend to feel that we as a person also remain static, in the sense our emotions, our opinions or our behaviour also remains static. But in my case I am damn sure its not. Each and every act, each and every word in my surrounding sits on my mind for months, tinkers my mind to the maximum it can do. So does it weakens me..??

I donno how many of you, have this habit, but me as a person always try to plan a lot. Planning in the sense its not about you jus planning a trip, sometimes, I literally plan to say a lot of things to som other, many times I can hear myself saying things which I intend to share with others, I rehearse it, I make it clear. But then when the moment comes, it just vanishes. Its like the Lord of the Tongues, jus rolls up the red carpet ( read it as Tongue) down to my throat, so that no word comes out. So does that mean me the person doesnt have control over this Lord ? I amnt sure. your question is "whats the point here". Simple, I am dubbed the most secretive person alive. You might have heard dialogues that you like a person, or say you love a person or say you hate a person or in extreme case you jus loath that person to the most. But I donno how many of you would have heard saying that you like and hate the same person at the same time. May be you should hear my mind saying that. Man, I donno what type of factory or computer program that my mind is running, its jus keeps on spitting dead ends, monologues, vaccuum and more than that gets crashed often due to some emotive bugs. So does that mean I am weakened?

Let me share some more confusions here. A person can be impulsive, A person can be pragmatic, A person can be patient, A person can inert or a person can be ruthless to the next person...with respect to any sort of ill remarks. But what if a person, receives everything in his mind..and doesnt react at that point of time..(doesnt not mean that he is inert), but builds his views, opinions, irritations on it and spurts it out during situations with no relevance. Its like you trying be patient, you trying to control your emotions..but at som point of builds on you and dashes the flood gates and involuntarily throws up. The question here is does this kind of emotional act weakens the person? Of course it weakens the person. A LOT.

Whatever i said earlier, are some kinda emotional play which weakens me and my ability in my surrounding at that instant. But that doesnt mean that me, in order to be the survivor, can throw up the emotions or resist their act. It simple devoids us from being who we are. I am clueless about the immediate solution, But I am sure that the answer of one of the person, I revealed in the start is not the correct solution. But I am confident the answer lies within this flooded zone. Some plugs and some deccelerators fitted in the right place would do the necessary corrections..

End of the mystic zone.

Posted at 05:24 am by Clueless
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Oct 26, 2004
Mango Brains in a Hysteresis Loop

The brain cells are greedy. They always need something to chew upon. If there is nothing, then they start digging up, dig its own cells, and find out something old, sometime that issue may boomerang on them, but at times they hit the target and its me. I am confusing. Yes I am. Blame me not. This is all because of the brains. Thats why I call them Mango brains. Then who the hell am I ?  Hmm may be you can call me this mind or say this dignified soul who knows nothing but two things viz. lament upon an old sorrowful issue or just feel beguiled upon a suddenly struck excitement (Just for you.....Shh...thats my exterior look).

At times, this cold war that run between myself and the brain cells go beyond bounds, I know that. And in those times I really feel bad for my owner. Yea I call him my owner, coz he owns me, atleast thats what the laws written by man says. He he...! may be he doesnt know that, whatever he owns is not owned by him at all, rather, he is owned by many other non existent entities...Shhh..! including me and grrr..of course that brain..but for the fact thathe is a solid existing entity. Ok..I can see the  the disbelief in your eyes. Hmm that shows your human nature. You need proof, examples (Dont you think thats because of your dumbness that you need them) for anything and everything. Any ways I dont get tired like you people. I can give as many as you want, till you get "tired" of hearing them.

Here is the latest one. For months now, my owner is trying to explain his feelings to some of the persons who are close to his heart. Based on my previous talks with the brain, I found that, he is feeling apolegetic of being secretive.And so he decided to talk about himself with those persons. Thank god, the brain told me, or else everything would have got ruined. As soon as I found this, I made the heart beat fast, this coupled with some other body effects (I am not going to tell you guys my secret) made the brain himself get confused. My owner would have felt like, somebody as hooked his tongue and pulled it back to the stomach. So now the question is, why the hell should I do that. Hmm may be thats my nature. It is the honour and sincere duty of me to follow the DNA program in my cells so that I keep a check on my owners violative attributes.

You want one you know what...I am not tired...! But in this issue I am not the "reversive" owner but those menial brains. Last week when I talked with him, he started boasting about his latest act. I felt angry...really angry that I thought of bursting myself (you can call it suicide if you want to) and killing him. But then poor owner, I dont want to dissapoint that chap, so I had to hear those boast talk tight lipped. Any ways this is what he said to me. It seems he over heard a conversation between his owner and his owner's friend. It seems, using his intuitive weaponary he found that, hiw owner was about to loose me (thats what he said to me..but you know what I am not going to believe him, I would rather die, than he saving me) to someone else. It seems he immediately started digging deep into the issue, and created a suspicion about my veracity (That idiot, he made my owner suspect me and he said that to me face to face, I felt like stabbing him in his "heart"). To be frank, till now I couldnt understand, how the hell did that in any way help my owner not loosing me to some one. I am planning to take up this issue with the International Organ Court sometime in the future.

You want some more..I can give you some want me to shut...nope I cant do that..may be you can close your ears if you want to. I am like this Dory in Finding nemo. "Keep swimming....Keep swimming" "Keep talking.... Keep talking"

(Behind the scenes, the brain is watching this)

Hmm poor guy, I pity that listener. Very similar to Marlin in finding nemo, he lost something somewhere, and while searching he got caught by this squishy mushy soul. Hope he escapes from it. That idiot is calling me Mango..yea at times I get mango-ed , I dig up old issues and behave based on them. yes that becomes a loop..a hysteresis loop. All are true. But, thats what my work is. But how dare he teases my job and call me names. grr.....I shouldnt have saved that stupid on that day. Let me play my game next time. Wait and watch ..He He....!


Posted at 09:15 am by Clueless
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Oct 12, 2004
Occupational Hazards

As usual the morning school bell rang, which could be heard through out the school. But this didnt in any way helped the biology teacher Ms. Kasturi saving herself from her ninth class student Madhu. He didnt care to return to his class for prayer, but was still bargaining for marks.

Teacher, each point for this 5 mark question carries half a mark. Whatever I have written contains 9 valid points and one wrong part. But you have given me jus 3 marks.

But the part of the answer where you have written it wrongly makes it clear that you havent understood the process

No, not at all. I can explain the process if you want even now. Its just a careless mistake and not out of  purpose.

Ok. the prayer has started. you better go to your class now. Lets talk about this during the lunch break.


Go to the class Madhu.

Ok. thank you.

If you were there, you could see the sigh of relief thats running thru the teacher's face. The prayer has already started, and when Madhu stood outside the class doors, as if asking permission to enter the class, the class teacher Ms.Padma gave him a stare and just nodded and allowed him to enter. May be she would have been in a good mood, cause she didnt talk about it after the prayer. The first hour was english. And Ms. Sathya the english Ma'am was standing outside the door, waiting to barge in. If you could see her staring eyes, you can read the threatening gestures coming from them signalling the class teacher to finish her job and leave the class so that her class time doesnt get wasted. But Madhu's thoughts were quite different. He wants to remind her, of how she wastes time lecturing the class about how the girls and boys should maintain a distance and how she sees the boy girl talk as anti culture. For him the big surprise is, she being a english teacher rather than a tamil teacher who are indeed considered to have such views. Atleast that was what Madhu believed to be at that time.

The class started, and everything was going well for the first 20 minutes and finally it started. All because of Sabari. He was trying to reach Rohini to get a eraser from her. And suddenly some one tapped him in the back using a wooden scale. With a mysterious look Sabari turned back, just to see the english teacher standing behind him.

What are you doing?

Teacher, I am trying to get eraser from her.

Why dont you ask the student sitting near you. Why you need to go across the row, to reach her.

In the mean time Madhu reached and talked with Priya.

Priya, Did you listen to her talking. Why is she thinking in this way.

Shh..! Priya signalled Madhu to be silent and asked him to turn towards the board.

Madhu turn back. Or else she will start lecturing to you and me.

Madhu was very uncomfortable on that. He cant resist talking with the two girls across the bench, Priya and Shobha. From very early school days, they used to tell each other whatever information they know and each one of them cant resist doing that. All three were good friends for more than 6-7 years now. When Vijay saw the irritation in Madhu's face, he simply started laughing. Vijay was the guy sitting near Madhu, and is a good friend of him.

Why are you laughing now stupid?

I was just imagining of what would she lecture to you, when she sees you talking.

Shut up. I just want this class to get over.

Dont worry. Its thursday. We have 2 english classes today. First period in the morning session. and First period after lunch. god...yes...I didnt remember that...hmm..!

The class got over and the remaining classes in the morning session were also getting over very quicker than what Madhu expected. Any ways he felt really happy that, god has answered his prayers.

During the lunch session, Madhu and vijay opened up their lunch boxes and placed it over their table and started eating. As usual Priya, Shobha and Preeti took their lunch boxes and placed it over the cloth which was spreaded in the floor near the class dais and started eating. Some where in the middle priya and preeti started teasing vijay, who was sitting behind them in the bench. Vijay got irritated and he started teasing them back. And Madhu joined Vijay. So this was going on for a while. In general priya is highly short tempered and she got irritated when both vijay and Madhu started teasing her. Finally,

Priya do you remember what happened in our 3rd std. While we were walking back from PT ground to the class, one begger tried to reach you and you started running from him. You were running so hard that, may be if it was a sports day you could have won the contest.

May be I guess, the begger is a relative of yours. and thats the reason he was trying to talk to you.

To Madhu's bad luck, he was now standing outside the bench, very near to the class doors and straight across the 3 girls. At this juncture, priya got very angry and she was trying to reach Madhu to beat him. But Madhu was playing with her and he escaped the first and second time. The third time in order to tease her, he went very close to her and thought of swiftly backing off. But to his badluck, some thing unexpected happened. Shobha who used to be very silent joined Priya and pulled Madhu's shirt.

And Madhu, didnt expect this at all. He lost his balance, and within seconds, he was lying over all the 3 girls. Priya was now happily beating him in his back. Madhu was trying hard to get up but his shoes got entangled to Preethi's food basket. And Preeti was pulling her basket but in a wrong direction. When all this incidents were going on, Shobha silently tapped Priya. And Priya turned towards the doors and was stunned. After seeing both Priya and Shobha staring at the doors, Preeti got puzzled and raised her head to see the doors. And now Vijay couldnt supress the laugh and he started giggling. As the whole class became silent, Madhu who was now lying on his stomach, slowly but hardly twisted his neck and watched the doors.

Near the doors, was his english teacher Sathya, standing and fuming at them.

** __This incident is a true story which took place in my Ninth grade. The person Madhu in this story is no one else but me   :) __ **


Posted at 09:44 am by Clueless
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Oct 2, 2004
Mysterious Colleagues

If I erase this line within seconds, that could be the 30th time approx that I  am erasing the starting line for this post. I had a crust in my mind, which I thought of putting out in words, I found a decent heading too. But I wasn't able to find out the correct sentence to start with. Me, a person, an entity in this universe, by now has survived 23 human years approximately. Lets look that in a different way, why everyone says time is a important part of your life? Many say, time is precious, dont waste it, as you cant get it back. According to me, Yes time is precious, but its not because that when you waste it,- you cant get it back. Buts thats the up most level of nature that you can partially control. Wait a minute, what do you mean by partial control ? Hmm, lets put it this way, you cant reverse time, but you can make your life do things that overspeeds time, so in that way you compensate your life by controlling time rather than time controlling you. Now lets go beyond that, all those philosophers, scientists in the past arrived at a conclusion that time is literally more important than gold. But there is something more golden than time. Thats what we call as CHANGE. Hey, this is not the small pennies or paisa you get back from the corner retail shops. The phenomenon, which governs every living and non living being. Here there can be a confusion. Assume your mom, is boiling a cup of milk After placing the milk vessel on the heating element, she comes to your room to help you clean it. But half way thru the cleaning part, she shouts at you saying, Hey, its more than 3-4 mts after I left the milk on the coil. And she drops the things in her hand, and run towards the kitchen to switch off the coil. So here is the common misconception, just because that its more than 4 mts, the milk would have boiled, or just because a cup of milk at so and so temperature would boil out at approx 4 mts that you call that specified period of time as 4 mts. Yes, yes I can hear some one shouting there. "Whats happened to this guy, I guess he has gone crazy, better send him off some where"

The whole world, the whole universe is a substance that entitles itself to change. Its that change that makes us sit up. If there has been no change in the earth movement you wont have a day and night. If the concept of change is devoided, the concept of aging will be thrown to trash. Its because that there always occurs a change that you try to monitor it, analyse it and take effective precautions to avoid it if its going to harm you in some way. But the concept of change many times, sorry most of the times cannot be controlled. How much ever, facial cream does this women of 2004 era tries applying on her face, she can only cheat the mirror but not herself.
So, where am I going from here, its simple, just because we cant control change, we try to encapsulate the next entity and thats time. So we all try to pull back the time, which again man failed to do till now. So, what we do, try to know the velocity of time, I mean both speed and direction. After knowing it we try overspeeding it in some way. And thats where man is again losing to time. those who acknowledge it address time as Mr. Gold.

Ok, I can hear some "shutups" there. I understand. And I can also see some funny faces in front of me, and there is a guy, hey, he is asking me some question. yea I gotcha. Here is the question which he asked me. "Ok Mr. Philosopher, enough of you bullshitting about time and change, what the hell does that have to do with your mysterious colleagues"

You know what, Now I understand, I have started the whole write up in a very wrong way. This is what you guys call, touching your nose by going around the head. Something made me sit and look at changes what my life has undergone in the past 23 years. forget the structural and physical change. For each and every human being, whatever be their age, whatever be their structure, at that particular time their mind will always say to them that you look good than before. This tendency pursues in evereyone's mind for most of their first 30 years after which you slowly lose interest in it. May be we try fighting CHANGE in the first 30 years, then TIME in the next 30 years. And at last we lose both the contest and start speaking things like "destiny" and "fate".

Down the lane, in this 23 years, I can list many happy events and a small number of bad events. But avoiding such external events, I the person, Looked at myself over the past 23 years at different stages. The term mysetrious colleagues, it can be addressed in 2 different forms. After each and every year of growth, I shed my skin and grew a new one, but thats not similar to throwing out a old dress and buying a new one for your birthday. Even though I shed my old skin and grew a completely new one, the characteristics of old skin remains in my new skin and grows over it. So when I look down over my other ages, I see them as mysetrious. So, what about the other way to look, after each and every year of my growth, i could feel some more human beings, some more personalities growing along with me with its own stark differences. The more I grow, the more they grow too. And they are again highly mysterious.

But introspecting myself. have I grown as a better person, past each year of this structural growth ? On some issues I could say yes and some issues I couldnt write anything but NO and underline it. Regarding specific activities, in a very early age, I recognized myself as a hardworker,I could reognize my memory skills. And all thru this 23 years I tried atleast growing both of them in some way. And on the path, I picked up various thinsg like drawing and painting some nonsense, reading craps, and now before  a year discovered my art of writing craps too. But some of these activities which I tried to grow on me, had invidually achieved tremendous influence over me. Like this memory, and may be even reading and writing. One of the important issue that man should take into consideration is to move forward from the past. Any bad events, any irritation with one of your near by person, happens in everyone's life. Assuming if a mistake is done, and the mistake is on my side, If I need to move forward, i should at first take, forget it and in the same way, if some irritation happens and if the mistake is on any other person , If I need to move forward in that relationship I need to forget it. But with brain thats totally flooded with memory cells, the act of forgetting seems quite impossible.

And thats where relationship fails. But thanks to my memory loss in the recent months that I am moving forward in some way which is far better than before. And similarly reading in many ways has lot of influence over me as over any other person. Back in school days, many science fictions helped a lot in my creativity. But in the same way as science fictions did to my creativity, any books related to love/affection didnt influence me at all. The very act of inertness, that resides in my mind, makes my mind feels highly awkward to console a person who is emotionally affected, whether that be my father, mother sister or my friend. Why such tendency exists in me is a question which I tried answering manytimes but failed to do so. May be because, the act of reaching out can only be done by a person who as experienced it in some way not by a person who experienced inertness on all sides.

When I look down the past years, each and every time at my other age mysetrious colleagues, In over all I feel that I have grown in a better way, but in some ways I feel that i should have added something in my previous age, which could have grown on me by now. Thats where time is golden, as it cant be driven backwards. But change always occurs based on whatever inputs it get, without any pre conditions, and it doesnt even warn you of the consequences. I guess even Mr. Change is more inert like me.

Posted at 04:11 am by Clueless
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Sep 11, 2004
Pessimistic Ambitions and Optimistic Illusions

Somethings that happened today morning prompted me to put my thoughts in words. May be in the process, along this blog I may hurt some communities sentiments, but to be frank I dont want to. I refrained from talking about my thoughts in public in regard to this issue in the recent days. A week back, in my univ I heard some one is organizing a meet for his own PhD thesis, where he would like to study about inter-nation conflicts. He would like to have the Indians and pakistanis sit in a common bench and talk about their views and share them. Yup, I can understand, any sincere diplomat, any Indian with highly rational views would say that would help each other know a lot about the other one. Some optimists would even dare to say that, this could be a start of an eternal peace. A lot has been heard from the various communities on both sides about people people contact. Many say that could be the binding solution. If I am a person , who I was 2 years back I would say yes to it. But not now, with the world of internet spread across my each and every living cells, I can dwell much more detailed way about, not only the kashmir, but more about religious terror, religious anguish, religious revenge.

Many seminars were conducted to say Islam is peace loving religion etc etc, but why didnt they try to modify the words , sorry moderate the words what were supposed to the concept of past. Yes, even the holy bible had many versus that were really harsh, but later the churches moderated it, removed it. They made it such that, it remains holy through out its journey. But why didnt they do that to holy quran. Christianism and Islam wernt that old as Hindusim.  Hinduism is basically not a religion, its methodology which you can follow. It doesnt have even a single word about other people who arent hindus. It doesnt have any message about spreading religion. Why? simple, the basic concept of hindusim is just a way of life, it doesnt come under the concept of religion. But thats not applicable for the other two. Holy quran has been written just few centuries back. Islam is a young religion, Many things have changed in the few centuries. The concept of war among neighbouring nations now cease to exist. But still the holy quran reads the same verses, kill all those people who doesnt follow islam, coz they are infidels. The concept of globalisation now co exists along with us. Thats why we have european union. And still, holy quran says, try to conquer other nations and spread islam. The concept of individual way of life, women empowerment is underway even in the most poorest nation. And still holy quran reads, woman are always under men. Women can be divorced just by saying the word talaq 3 times. And after divorce the husband, if he likes to can give his ex wife some money, otherwise he can leave her. Still holy quran abides by the same word which justifies polygamy. Why didnt the muslim community self introspect these sayings of holy quran never in their life, and had thought about the revampment.

Let me give you a example, in India, we have this muslim board, highest authority in India that changes its civil laws, ( I guess everyone know that we dont have a uniform civil code, means we have seperate civil laws for muslims, hindus and christians..then why the hell we call ourselves secular, a compromise from the Indian political community with the muslim community- utter nonsense). This muslim board took 3 long decades to decide whether this concept of giving talaq is right or not. And after 3 long decades of wait, few months back it says, It abides by the holy quran. Let me give one more example, some years back the maharshtra govt tried to invoke a law, where it says, the concept of public distribution system wil be available to the families which follows family planning. And immediately all the muslim leaders, community members thronged the streets saying thats against Islam. What the hell is this? A country where food for the current 1 billion population itself is a big question mark, you wouldnt want to follow family planning norms, jus because you religion says you shoudnt follow. Is this fair. Please see this beyond your religion. Its simple, I woudnt say muslim people are bad hearted poeple, no they are nice kind hearted people, see our president Dr. kalam, an amazing person, an amazing personality. No where in my mind I stamp him saying he belongs to a particular community. But then what is wrong. Lets dwell more into it, out of india's 10 most wanted, 8 are muslims. Out of America's 100 most wanted approximately 80 are muslims. Out of all the terror incidents that happened in the past 1 year, all were conducted by Islamic terror organisation. Never in the past few years I have heard a hindu terror organisation, christian terror orgainsation. That doesnt mean I am stamping muslims as terrorists. Iam the same person, who cried when people where ripped apart in gujarat by communal riots. Gujarat isnt an answer for godhra. yes somethiong wrong happened in godhra, its done by some mob fiery muslim group, but that doesnt justify gujarat. Same goes with coimbatore. Same goes with kashmir.

The non islamic Indian community has compromised a lot for the sake of keeping its secular fabric high. Lets talk about some more issues. Back in history, there is a incident, once chola king went for a yatra to north India, he was bemused by the beautiful temples in north India. Hence he felt really bad and as soon as he came back to his kingdom, he ordered his artisans to build lavishing temples. OK here is a question, can you guys see any artistic north indian temple any where, then what temple chola king talks about? Simple all those temples are ruins of invaded muslim kings. The court cae of ayodhya was registered believe it or not in 1830's a 170 year old case which is still in the court.  Are the judges stupids? no the political democratic India doesnt want muslims to feel bad. It can be easily proved, even the archelogical survey of India report says there is a temple underneath. Then why no judgement is passed. Simple we are trying to compromise. The Indian democratic value tries to provide some breathing space for this minority community. Nothin wrong. What the political India is trying to do is perfect to its core.

Ok guys, now remember what you read in history books long time back. You would have read akbar to be a nice kind, you would have read akbar had 100 wives and off which many are hindus. And here I remember one sentence, it says, you know why akbar married hindus, its because he loved that relgion too. He want to give them equal rights. And never in that book you would have read a word against polygamy, never in that book you would have read about the stories where Akbar the great has forced so many beautiful young hindu women to marry him. I am not saying these truths should be put in the book. Yes, the writers have carefully avoided these versus in order to preserve its secular fabric. Never in your history book, you would have read about the truth's of various temples destroyed by aurangazeb. Never in you history book you would have read about the differential tax system enforced by aurangazeb on hindus. Why Why? simple the political India compromised truths to maintain secular integrity. What these communist writers have done is absolutely justfied.

Now lets see the issue of hindu fundamentalism. The amount of power that various hindu organisations like RSS, VHP enjoy in the past decade is simply immense when compared to what they did few years back. How could this happen. Simple, they triggered the fear of the hindu community. They used kashmir terror, coimbatore blasts, mumbai blasts, delhi blasts. But why that didnt happen in the previous decade. Simple there were no emotional issues. the rise of hindu fundementalism is a abnormal mutation caused due to the activities of muslim terror groups. Now this entirely changes the concept of hindusim, which could later result in many abnormal consequences.

Guyz, the Indian non muslim community has compromised a lot for the sake of keeping its secular fabric alive. Yes there were many cummunal riots, mumbai riots, coimbatore riots, gujarat riots, but all were nacklash. Mumbai riots started because of a blast due to some muslim terror group, same with coimbatore. So this means, am I pledging that I will wipe the muslim community. No thats nonsense. live and let other people live. We compromised so much, what we need in return is a moderate Islam. A Islam which is for the humans to survive, not for the humans to die. 5000 died in 9/11 cause a muslim terror organisation. 1000 died in indonesian blast coz a muslim organisation. till now 50000 people have died in kashmir insurgency coz a muslim non secular govt which binds people to fight for stupid cause in the name of religion. 1000's died in mumbai, delhi and coimbatore blasts. 1000s died in madrid train blasts. Yes you would now shoot at me that till now the statistics says, approx 5000 muslims have died in India due to communal riots. But again its a backlash. Any emotional carnage will always spring back with a more emotional and horrible one.

This is the time for the muslim community to have a introspective thinking. The Indian community have compromised so much killings, so much half truths in history books, so much temples, what we need in return is a moderation in Islamic teachings. What we need is a deliberation of Holy quran. What we need is a revampment of islamic laws, that could bring them mainstream along with other people. By laws, by your teching , you are still in the dark age. There was a rennaisance in the form of frech revolution, that wiped the worlds biggest dark age. I dono what type of second rennaisance that would reform your laws. i am optimistic I want one.But thats a illuison. I cant see one in the near future. yea that means I am not a optimist ( confused huh?) May be this young Indian kid, is loosing his hope on keeping up the indian unity. But I sincerely hope that doesnt happen.

Posted at 07:28 am by Clueless
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Sep 8, 2004
Uneven Cream - Even cuts !

It was the end of another boring day in a graduate student's life. I donno about other students, but I always experience this problem, at leisure time, at free time when I think of the work I have to complete, its numerous, uncountable. Its as if like, for a person in adoloscent age, any cinema heroine would remind him of sex. Ok if you dont like this adultery example, here is a spritual one. Its like this mountain that came in front of Lord Hanumaan when he was trying to cross the ocean to reach lanka. Guyz..! I have to remind you of one thing, for the previous example the mountain is synonymous with the work I have to do..but not lord Hanumaan. And again comin back to my story, and in the other way if I decide ok lets work now, and sat in front of book desk, I  dont find any work. And the secret part of it, I would be having the work, but one by one I will throwing it out for different dates, during which I can complete them. So its futuristic time management, or self symathising for the fact that I have lot of work. The end, you feel tired anytime and everytime..!

With this mood, me, the management guy stepped into my apartment. And there in front of me was my roommate watching some movie in HBO. I jus sat along with him to watch the movie, but that made me still more bored. Many time, I used to hear from people saying that I get bored very often. I need changes very often and the recent comment from one of my friend regarding this issue that, I may have big trouble after my marriage as I may need new wives very often, as I get bored with the old ones. Hey Hey....No offense meant here..! So movie is boring, eating is'mon what should I tired..somethin that I should do without much god..chanceless..!..So my mind was trying hard to do something, and without my knowledge my fingers were rubbing my cheeks. One by one all the black stem like creatures started scratching my fingers. Its like tit for tat, quid pro fingers scratched them so they did that to my fingers. Wait wait..I can see that irritation in your eyes...its nothin jus my unshaven face thats creating the ripple in this blog now..!

Rusty, ruffled, a plain strip of light colored runaway but for the small black grass which are slightly bigger than dots. Hey, dont get puzzled, I am explaining how my face looks in the mirror. Yea..I can imagine you scowling...hey wait..I dont look that bad as you think. May be the way in which I explain it looks distasteful. But you know what, there exists some gap between my fingers, my eyes and my mind. So, I was standing in front of that mirror, rubbing my face, staring at myself for more than some 5 minutes. And suddenly I could notice that something is moving in front of me, and what could that be. It took sometime for me to recognize myself that I am seeing my face in the mirror. And now you guys would have decided, that this scribblings of mine really sucks, I can see your hands moving towards the mouse, to close this window. Hey co'mon guyz, I already told you how bored I am. Bored like a dead living man (whatha hell was that..!), sucked up like some one having a straw struck straight through the middle of my skull, and twisted as if running inside a bean stalk, and of all a graduate student. How could I be more interesting than this? 

Finally I decided something, which is going to change my appearance, change the way others look at me, oops sorry, change the way that others identifies me..! Hmm, now within no time, my face is full of lather, resembling a slim, hatless black haired santa claus. And then somethin interesting happened. Not to me, but to my brains. Its trying to say somethin to me. Okay brains wait..let me come back to you, i am now talking with santa claus. And then I jumped back from fantasy back to my mirror. Now looking at my brains, sorry my head, "Whatha hell you want dear brains"...sorry i cant do research work you dont have to disturb me..okay..!.And my brains shouted back...hell with your research..we are also saying the same thing...because of your research, the nice hair thats covering me is already receding, because of your research my cereberrum as already shrinked, the medulla oblangata as become so weak that it will one day reach the middle of your backbone. listen to me, you stupid soul.

yes your honour..! tell me..!

good..thats the spirit. What abt you having a french beard this time.

hmm thats a good idea...but you know what.. everytime you say this..i try, but finally it leaves me to a position where I have a skewed look...and i have to shave them off..!

yea I know that...this time be careful while doing that..better remove less than more..okay..! and by the way dont have this impression that I am asking you to keep a frenchie..not becoz you look good in that..but jus because I want a change..I am bored of seeing your same face again n sucks..!...

After these words... I thought of my dad and could they see each others face for more than 20 years now..without getting bored...hmm what a patience! Okay, now getting back to my brains advice..I tried to follow it this time. I took my razor..shaved bit..then washed my face...viewed the mirror..again applied the lather..shaved...washed...this was goin on for some 3-4 times..hey brains..throw your advice..i am bored..i dont want a frenchie...its testing my patience...!

But guyz. you know what my brains are amazingly started dictating my endocrine glands...and within no time..It made a impression in my mind that i will look good in a frenchie..! This is what I could call..self mind manipulation..! So, I became double carving out my face. Finally I came up with a face, having a moustache...then a grass field below that....which are linked by 2 bridges.

And now brains started shouting at me..hey mr. soul..your one bridge is broader than the other.

Ok brains..tell me which one is that...?

And my brains said..wait I will ask you eyes..! But as my eyes was helping me without its tools(glasses) couldnt find that out..!

My brains shouted back saying...your eyes as skewed like your your room mate and ask him..!

And with a slight irritation towards my brains..i called my room mate..!
room mate, room mate..tell me how my french beard looks...He stared at me for a second and said..what french beard...! where..???

And now me and brains got really pissed off..but my eyes could see a small smile in my roomie'a face..! and stared at him.

yea it looks good..I guess the right bridge should be made slightly thin..!

Ok roomie..thanks..!
Now I shaved a layer of my right bridge..and now my left bridge shouted at me saying its broader than the right. I took the razor towards my face and I adjusted it..This travelling changes on my right and left bridge was going several times...before..which my brain got too bored..and shouted at me..saying stop..!

And now I washed my face..weared my glasses...and I could see my eyes..glowing with a scent of proudness..of achieving something great. With a happy face, I went to have a bath.

Days went on with my french beard..I shaved my face twice after that to make my french beard prominent...everyone were commenting about my new appearance. Except for one person. I havent seen my professor with this new avatar at all..coz he was out of town. And then one day when he was back, I planned to meet him in his office..I havent shaved in the past 4-5 days..and my french beard wasnt that prominent. I went and saw my prof. at the first look..I could notice that he was taken aback..then with some sort of wierdness he signed my documents and gave me back.

I thanked him, and walked back to my office..Lot of questions..does I look that bad in frenchie..and when I was back home..I stood in front of the mirror..and now I am taken aback..Oh my god I look bizzare. As my face was un shaven for a few days, I had a good beard, but along with my frenchie which has grown looked like a crop circle...! With lather on my face, razor in my hand..I was getting ready to harvest the entire field..!

Posted at 10:48 pm by Clueless
Comments (1)  

Sep 7, 2004

Another long week end, on the verge of getting over, planned a lot but nothin is worked out..a week back...was shouting from my throat to everyone that I will be finsihing all my backlogs in my course work research work etc etc For this reason, I planned to be at home rather than freaking out some where. But at last finally, i am here typing this blog, saying I didnt do anything..! And now, a sense of guiltiness, guilty for wasting 3 days, and sadness, for its going to be tuesday tmrw, and I have to go to the class, a sense of fear, be frank I donno. Any way, if i didnt complete my work, my prof is not goin to kill me or he is not goin to throw me out the research grp..! Then why some sort of fear is running all over my body..! only god knows..!

Posted at 03:26 am by Clueless
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Aug 28, 2004
Mr.Harsh unleashed II

As I said earlier, one among the obstacles which doesnt allow me to live and enact atleast a partial mahatma is FAKISMS. I guess I need to do a bit more elaboration on this concept of mine;). A few months back, I was goin out some where. On my way I met a guy, for everyone here call him friend, thats what people say...! Something I found know a person for just few days, the few days later you call his home, some one else other than this person picks up the phone..and you leve a messsage...that I am his and so..what the hell is that..! First of all you are demeaning the value of that word friend there. Ok fine may be that person is gem of the class, amazing personality..but how in the hell could that person would have bonded a friendship with in just few days. Ok fine now you can call me a psycho stupid..who just find faults with nething and everything. OK let me get back to the story of mine. This guy started chatting with me, enquiring about my research, life etc etc as if he and I are the closest of ever. And keep it a secret guys, jus few days before he went around saying rubbish about me. So this is what I call fakism. And if i want to be this mahatma, people cautiously warns me that I should FAKE. I should smile and be this nice buddy to him. And now I feel like, I am sitting on a deep fry pan at 1200 deg celsius.

Guyz...Now I can see fear in your eyes, you are now cautious enough not to question me, coz i will whip you out. Anyways I will give you permission to ask the question....wait wait..I know what you are goin to ask me here...what are the other obstacles...yea here it is..I have the list...!

I donno what to name this. May be in simple words I can call it double talk or may be a cunning act ...ok whatever. In the case of mahabharata's shakuni..everyone knows that he is the bad guy. But even that cunning man had some reasons to be this bad guy, which I guess many knows( somethin like he want to destroy the gauravas for the sake of taking revenge for the death of his ancestors). But just track any of your 10 year social life, you could see many of the person surrounding you would be shakuni personified. But I would be wrong if I call these guys shakuni, who manipulate you in the most tender way, that you couldnt find out when they inserted the needle and when they took it out...! (could be nice doctors). the reason being, these manipulators doesnt have any ancestoral revenge. Many times I have been this guy, who puts over some proposal in front of others, many times people surrounding me would just bash me for the bad idea..many times i would find support from some one somwhere...and everytime I have been this dumb...dumberer and dumbest not to notice that whenever I get support, I get support from somone who indeed manipulated me to make that proposal...!..Wow there he/she is..Mr/MS/Manipulator. And for being mahatma should not raise a voice. When you point this out to him/her directly about this kinda of nature..and within no time...everyone would see you as this bad tormenting manipulator, who should be strangled to death and fried in hell, for being rude, for being harsh. And I had this experience once...when some one like this Manipulator came and told me..."you are are hurting others feelings..thats not correct". Wow...thankyou my lord...iam honoured..i am really honoured to have your advice. i will save it it not an eternal treasure..! And there you again rise a voice and speak anything...they will stamp you as a rude sarcastic person, who doesnt bother about others feelings..! Why in the hell should I bother about feelings of a person who manipulates others mind to reach his goal.

Ok there is this Fakisms...which you can call Instant just exists for that particular moment and then that person is back to his/her original character. and there is this manipulator....and then there is this long term Fakism..! Somtimes I am really afraid of marriage...many say..they wannu go for love marriage..coz that helps them understand his/her partner...then they would make this choice of whether to go in for marriage..or not...ok now shut up..! Something that made me write this nonsense out a failure in one such concept. Ok now dont stamp me out saying that its finally all about love/marriage etc etc. Nope, jus grab the idea from that line..what I am trying to say is you just cant find the real motive/intentions of any person may be a love/friend/or whoever without he or she opening up in a straight forward fashion. just being with that person for years, talking with him/her wouldnt not in any way make you understand his/her intentions. Its one such incident where a person leashed out his/her thinkings in front of my face, which indeed showed his/her real intentions/views/thinkings which he/she had bottled up within him/her for the past few years. And I this Mr.harsh always boast myself as Mr.genius with respect to human psychology, was indeed made dumb by a long term faker. He/she indeed faked his/her real intentions, and that too for years...My I know why i didnt respond back on that I know why i didnt use my sharp shooters at that moment..why i didnt whip this person out in the same fashion as that person did to me at that instant, why I didnt get ready to splash in front of his/her face about his/her demeaning acts over a  long period of time which I got myself accustomed to..jus for some ritualistic sake.

And now..I made this heavy downpour...and I can see many who are reading it now..are indeed flooded. Flooded with thoughts, questions like this "am I the person who he is talking I the one who manipulated him"...and thats were Mr.Harsh now means his name. Everyone becomes speculative, everyone starts not to believe you.So, just for the sake of enacting mahatma..I kept my mouth shut on that day..but the burning anger could get a siege only after I wrote this blog....and now i unleashed a anger in front of everyone in my community and made myself far more distanced from enacting...forget Mahatma..even a common man. Controlling your wacky tongue would be helpful in many ways, but for such obstacles which I mentioned here, let the tongue speak, that would help you stay near mahatma rather than going away from it. I can be this integrating function running from zero to mahatma...but who in the hell would make these obstacles learn their lessons, may be..for spiritual persons..the answer is god..for all others..they themselves are god.

"the tank full of water is emptied"

Posted at 04:52 am by Clueless
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Mr.Harsh Unleashed

Many times I have been very impulsive while taking decisions, but many times I am just the opposite. For the latter I could give you an example. It took me exactly 10 long months to decide whether I should buy a cell phone or not. Similiarly it took 7 long days to decide whether I should write this blog or not. Exactly a week back something happened, some exchange of words, which triggered my emotions in the wildest way. But to my surprise I controlled it, which I dont do in general. Many similiar sharp shooters were there in my life, in the past 20 years. But except for this time, I have retorted back impulsively in the most stinging manner. I used the whip that sharp shooter with the exact and pointed reasoning. But that didnt happen last week. I was silent, I didnt retort back. No arguments, I just listened. May be coz, I had these blogs, where I can vent my emotions. May be coz, I was puzzled. May be coz, someone has hit me unaware off. I couldn't find the reason. Then why the hell it took me so much time to decide whether I should write this here or not. May be I know that imprinting someone's wrong in such blogs is still more harsher than just being impulsive. But finally I took the decision to write. May be thats wrong. But if pointing out a mistake makes me a synonym to harsh or say even rude, I am glad to have it that way.

Its been a few years now, me coming out of my family bonds, me reaching the outside world, me trying to find reasoning of why people behaves in a certain way. I could find stark differences, amazingly di-lineated characters. Once I read these words somewhere, its hard to find a good person, and its very hard to make that good person your friend, but keeping that friend as a friend with you all the time, through out your life is the hardest. For this hardest endeavour what you need is persistence, tolerance, honesty, loyalty, and many more good characters what not..! The most imporant thing being never try to be something which you are not just to make this person a friend of yours, coz you will then be forced to live that lie forever. I read this previous sentence in the form of quote somewhere in my 6th grade. Believe it or not, Something made me live for that quote. Manifested characterisation wont last longer. In my previous blog, "Exerted Freedom" I mentioned about why I couldnt make LTRs that easily. The above lines could be one of the reason for that. Ok fine Mr.Harsh, what the hell you wannu say here? here it is, developing persistence, tolerance etc etc which I mentioned earlier doesnt mean that you are living a lie, or you or modifying yourself. It means you are developing yourself to be a better human being. But something should be noticed here, which many people dont realise, This development as a good human being would be easier when all the persons surrounding you are those good persons with whom you want to make friends, with whom you want to share a part of your life. But any one can easily bet that, thats not the way it is, in this world.

So, here you make choices. Why people like Jesus Christ, Mahatma Gandhi flourished as a saviour among people..?.. May be coz, they tried to develop this attitude of good human being, irrespective of the nature of their surrounding men. Not only that, they tried to infest others with that nature too. But thats were I would say, a common man differs from such great humans. This common man, including Mr.Harsh couldnt blend tolerance with all other ingredients. For him compassion and tolerance is analagous to oil and water. OK what is the other choice.?.. May be you can be this person who try to develop this good human being attitude and expose just to other person, who does the same, for all others who tries to impose some sort of bad intentions, make them feel that they are in a lion's den. So you can be this mahtama are you can be this developed common man. Hmm , and now I am hearing someone shouting at me, ok fine may be you are the one who couldnt do it, why are you blaming it in general on every common man. OK fine may be I am the only "common man" in this world and all of you others can be Mahatmas I am ok with that (I guess you could find out what I meant by this here). Also I am hearing some whispers, some murmurings, of why the hell am I calling myself Mr.Harsh and for what reason It took me 7 horrible days just to write this nonsense in this damn blog in the first place. Guys..! Wait the more you read this post, the more you will find how harsher I will be going against some people. At this point of time I havent decided on my sharp shooters but I am sure I am not Mahatma Gandhi, and I couldnt be one.

Ok fine, I have decided that I am not mahatma, and also I explained you my other choice. When I took myself as a enacting body of this choice, it makes you work as if you are good to good and bad to bad. And I dont want to be that harsh again, So I started trying to move towards some of the acts of mahatma, which of course would take years for you to achieve. What you have to do is impose tolerance and patience on every good attitude you do. And now I face a lot more obstacles than what I expected. I couldnt vent my anger unleashed on these people who demean themselves in the worst manner coz I am trying to move towards a enlightened persona. So whats my choice now..? put it in a blog, but that may be still more harsher if the guys who reads it forms a part of my bashings.

So what are the obstacles. Watched Meg ryan in When harry met sally? Oh my god..! enacting a fake orgasm..! At the first place it didnt make me laugh, I was stunned..! A woman could enact a fake orgasm with such an echt fashion that at the first place you could have believed billy crystal and meg ryan is having sex when you jus heard the audio rather than watching the video of it. and now why the hell am I talking about this nonsense here. What the hell megryan has to do with mahatma. Sorry for the adultry here, but "FAKISMS" doesnt forms a part of sex alone. It is a big part of every human life. Everywhere, atleast 70-80% of the people surrounding you fake their emotions more than once in a day. They may do that with a stauch enemy to avoid a fight, they may do that to avoid embarassing situations, some are sadistic enough to do that, to watch other's pain, and some are bad, may be cruel enough to do that for their own intentions.

One of my first obstacle which I am facing now is this "FAKISMS". I would like to stop here and continue it may be tomorrow. At this point of time the only picture thats coming across in my head, is a big tank full of boiling water with hot bubbles all over it.  Let me tone it down to a placid lake and come back again.


Posted at 02:26 am by Clueless
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